Pink Scarf

Today my mom came up to me

with tears in her eyes

and handed me a pink scarf.

She said

"Your aunt bought this for you,

before she died,

planning to give this to you for Christmas.."

It's kind of unbelievable, really

that she's gone, just like that.

THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE HAVING EXPECTATIONS

nothing ever works out the way you want it to.

God laughs at your petty attempt to take control of your life.

We're just not meant to plan out each part of our life,

expect to get everything we want.

Life just doesn't work out that way.

This is one of those vital lessons i learned in

Psych3 in High school.

I think it's time to bust out my old notebooks

and remember my old motto:

Accept what is"

and to just go with the cussing flow.

heavenly arms

Last night was by far the most heartbreaking night of my life.

and what's sad

is that I know for a fact it's not the end.

Death is inevitable,

I wish it wasn't so sad.

deadweek

this term has more meanings than i wish it did.

My aunt passed away yesterday morning,

her funeral is on Sunday.

I have to help write a eulogy;

how do you write a eulogy?

How do you express the love and gratitude

you feel for someone

when it all feels so inexpressible?

She had no kids,

we, her nieces and nephews, were her kids.

She took us to the movies, let us sleep over her house,

then would treat us to breakfast.

I would love going to her house;

she always lived in the coolest places.

Even though she lived alone, her house was huge and beautiful.

I regret not being able to visit her more often when she moved to San Ramon.

Then she got sick.

This whole period is kind of a blur.

My parents never really informed me about much;

just that she had cancer, and it was really bad.

I wish... I wish for a lot of things.

I wish she got better.

She expressed to my cousin Jenny and I her wished to go to Korea this winter.

No matter how weak she was, she wanted us to be her support as she revisited her home.

I think by that point, she had accepted her limited time left on earth.

I wish we could have done that for her.

I'm glad I at least got to see her one more time

last Sunday.

Her face lit up when she saw my brother and me.

She was so happy, but I saw that she wasn't doing well.

I told her she looked good,

that her hair was growing back well.

How I was jealous her eyebrows were so naturally shaped.

I promised her that I would come back and visit her again

as soon as I came home for winter break.

I'm sorry it turned out like this.

I'm sorry you're gone,

and I really hope you're in a much better place now.

el perro del mar

listen to her,
her voice is mesmerizing,
angelic.
her lyrics, heartbreaking.

it sucks

but i can't hate him.
as much as i would like to- want to
i want to be a good friend,
but there will always be a part of me
that remembers the past
and the fond memories i have of it.
it's too much of a part of me to throw away,
and i feel like a horrible person for it.
I'm sorry.

Dear God

Dear God, I'm trying hard to reach you
Dear God, I see your face in all I do
Sometimes it’s so hard to believe in
Good God I know you have your reasons

Dear God I see you move the mountains
Dear God I see you moving trees
Sometimes it’s nothing to believe in
Sometimes it’s everything I see

Well I’ve been thinking about,
And I’ve been breaking it down without an answer
I know I’m thinking aloud but if your love's
Still around why do we suffer?
Why do we suffer?

Dear God, I wish that I could touch you
How strange sometimes I feel I almost do
And then I'm back behind the glass again
Oh God what keeps you out it keeps me in

Well I’ve been thinking about,
And I’ve been breaking down without an answer
I know I’m thinking aloud but if your loves
Still around why do we suffer?
Why do we suffer?

-Monsters of Folk, Dear God

halloween

on the night of halloween i texted my neighbor
(the one i have a huge crush on)
"_____ happy halloween"
and went to sleep

that morning i woke up to his reply
"Jennifer i love you :)"

and let me tell you,
that is the best way to start a morning.

well, i guess he was rolling pretty hard that night
(since he was at a rave that night)
and high on shrooms
but idgaf,
it made my day.

habits

i've picked up some strange habits

during my time here so far.

for instance,

everytime i go to someone's house

and i use their bathroom

i always make sure to smell their towel

before drying my hands.

i've run into too many situations

involving stinky towels transferring their smell

onto my hands

and having such an acute sense of smell,

it's really really really bothersome.

my dreams are so vivid

sometimes i can't tell whether they were actually dreams or not

it's actually a bit scary to think about,

is this really happening?

or is it just a figment of my imagination?

for all i know

i'm dreaming right now

and i'll be waking up in a bit

wondering if this post actually happened or not.


and the cycle continues..

The dishes are slowly disappearing from the cupboards
and ending up strewn all over the kitchen counter,
pieces of leftover food drying up and crusting..

The urge to get up and wash them and
put them back in their respectable place is so irresistible,
but you know what?
I'm not going to do the dishes.
Because none of those dirty plates, bowls, and silverware are mine!
I've been so busy lately, I rarely ever home for more than an hour
and have no time to eat at all.

Should i just do the dishes, and be the bigger man here?

the sounds are coming to ucsb
friday was fun
saturday started fun,
going to red rock(this is red rock, it is amazing. we jump off it.)
but that night was a drag.
sunday was chill,
grocery shopping,
cleaning the house
church.
i love my church.
it's great.

today was a sucks day.
dropped my makeup brush down the toilet
ate it while skating,
so bad i rolled into a parked car.
(luckily the street was emtpy)

Friday, I'm in Love

You guys, i really like being the responsible one.
it feels good to take care of someone,
even when they don't really need to be taken care of..
well, sometimes they do.

i'm pretty sure i live on the best street ever.
Pardall is what everyone calls "IV's downtown"

next saturday,
there's going to be a carnival!
with a ferris wheel!!!

so excited.

i made cheeseburger cupcakes today
www.jferlee.tumblr.com
check it.

wild young hearts

it's been a long, long time since i've last blogged here.
what to say..
summer was pretty great,
and i'm back in IV.
I'm so glad to say that i still love it here so much.
The environment, our house..
our house is great.
we live right along the border of IV and campus,
so we often just sit outside our house, watching the people walk/bike/skate/etc.
back and forth from class.
and i have a hammock!
set up right outside our house, so i can just lay back and chill.
the girls next door are our old floormates,
love them to death.
the guys upstairs are so chill, and pretty pretty i must say.

and school!
i've missed school a lot too.
i've missed learning, as much as i kind of dread waking up,
it's not so bad anymore, now that i can just walk right on campus.
i'm taking a really heavy load this quarter (twenty-one units!)
but there isn't a class i want to drop, i love them all.
okay, maybe i don't really love math that much,
but it's a necessity.

well.
there's a lot more i want to say
but i 'm getting kind of bored of typing
i'll leave with these lyrics (wild young hearts by the noisettes)
i feel like this describes life really well for me.

And while the city sleeps
I won't weep because I didn't keep
My boyfriend and the summer's is here again
And the leaves are golden
Under the grand silver birch tree

While we're thinking bout the people we meet
Dancing feet, wasters on the cover of a magazine
People you've kissed, people you lust
And the one's that you might not
Ever remember what's the use

I'm not what I was last summer
Not who I was in the spring
Tell me, tell me, tell me when will we learn
We love it and we leave it and we watch it burn
Damn these wild young hearts
Damn these wild young hearts

Now that the city's awake, my heart aches
Oh what a silly mistake it seems I've made
You left your keys under my bed
Left a thumpin in my head
I would say sorry, what's the use

Cause, I'm not what I was last September
And I don't wear the same robes in May
We know we shouldn't do it, but we do it anyway
We know we might regret it but it seemed ok
Damn this wild young heart
Damn this wild young heart
Damn this wild young heart

If now is forever then what's to prove
Cause it won't be the same next summer
And I guess I'll see you in the spring
Somebody tell me, tell me, tell me, when will I learn
I love it and I leave it and I watch it burn
Damn this wild young heart
I told you damn this wild young heart
Damn this wild young
Tell me, tell me, tell me when will I learn
Damn this wild young heart

make believe

sometimes
you just have to pretend nothing's wrong
and go about life.

grinning and bearing it.

not being mopey and so sighface,
expecting someone to ask you what's wrong
so you can moan about it some more.

it's just too much.

knock you down

i just finished my last final.
now all i need to do is finish revisions on my writing2 paper
and i'm finished for the year.

i should be in a more celebratory mood,
like most students are at this time-
updating my facebook/twitter status as something ecstatic like
YEAH SUMMER!
but i'm not.

in fact,
what i really would like to do now,
right after i turn in my paper,
is to turn my bottom bunk into a cave
and just curl up and be alone.

i really amhappy that i'm finished with my first year of college,
but there are just so many negative thoughts running through my head
haunting me
taunting me.

i just took my biopsych final
we had three hours
to answer fifty-three multiple choice questions.
how long did i take?
thirty minutes.
and i double checked my answers.
shit, man.
as soon as i got out,
i just felt so shitty.

i had a good two hours to wait for nancy to get out of her final,
to just sit outside on a bench by myself
and think about how horribly i must have done.

dsifuhbkdsjhncuihdklsjfc

pulp fiction

my finals days in FT, or Santa Catalina, officially

are drawing to an end

i have to say,

it's been such a memorable experience

dorm life.

i really will miss these days

having everyone around so close.

it's hard to imagine just less than a year ago

i had no idea who these people were

these people that i've shared such memorable times with

and my roommate

nancy pants!

who knew i'd get to share a room with such a gal

it'll be bittersweet not having her around 24/7

but she'll be living next door,

so it'll be the same, basically.

it'll be weird not having the guys so close

always just barging into our room

eating my red vines and disturbing our peace

it's been great,

and i can't wait for what next year has in store.

eleven

more days.

and then i will have completed my first year of college

unforgettable season

well,
that's the end of it.

we shall see what is in store for us next.

COOL AND BORED.

i think i'm moving on.
to tumblr.

we saw a snake in the field on camino corto today
exciting.

it's insane how swiftly the last few weeks of school have come by;
it's already the weekend before dead week.

eek.

a stranger picked me up tonight
and spun me around
because the lakers won..
like i really care.

smells like skunk

http://club.cyworld.com/club/main/club_main.asp?club_id=50202707

love it.

(i want those) flashing lights

last night this year's seniors had their prom

it just so happened

that i spent the evening catching up with my prom date!

well,

i guess he wasn't much of a date,

but whatever, it was nice

dear soulmate,

i saw you at sun god
in the dance tent
while dj numark of jurassic 5 played
if you remember,
his set was pretty sweet.
you were wearing a flannel
a fedora, and purple wayfarers,
even though we were inside.
i was with my friends,
and we were dancing
close to where you and your friend were.
you saw the creepers come by and try to dance with us
then asked if we wanted protection.
so we had a really good time,
dancing to the 90's music we grew up to.
his set ended, but we kept dancing to the intermission music.
you let me wear your sunglasses for a little bit.
but as they say,
all good things must come to an end
and my friends needed to pee.
dear soulmate,
i kept my eye out for you after that,
wondering if i'd run in to you ever again.
but alas,
it was not meant to be.

it was nice dancing with you anyways, soulmate.

love, me.

be my escape

i shouldn't take naps that exceed30 minutes anymore.
they are bad news bears.
i was having this dream
andi realized i was dreaming
so i thought to myself,
hm, let's try to control this
so, i figure i would try to stop time.
i look at the watch on my wrist
and make time stop.
then i'm pretty much over sleeping,
so i tell myself to wake up
and i wake up,
but then i can't move my body at all
and i can't open my eyes.
i've had sleep paralysis before,
so i'm just like,
shit son, fine, i'll just keep sleeping then..

and then i have this super psychedelic dream
that i am either dorothy from wizard of oz
or alice from alice in wonderland
(i don't remember which)

moms

i actually don't miss my mom as badly anymore,
probably because i saw her last weekend.
but hearing her voice made me happy.

we jumped in the pool last night,
it was steaming,
so we figured it was warm enough
and boy oh boy was it warm.
then we watched lost til five.

i miss having a camera

party and bullsh*t (the notorious b.i.g.)

on wednesday night,
we found a girl
lying facedown
in our lounge
with nothing but a thong on.

i gave her my bathrobe.
idk if i will ever get it back

jefferson aeroplane

i'm trapped,
and i am enclosed.

but i won't complain,
i'll open all the windows.

it's pretty hot today
i have a six to eight page research paper due tomorrow
it's two am.
i have less than two paragraphs.
but i had two red bulls
i haven't had anything this caffeinated in so so so long.
therefore...

ha ha ha.

NOS
LEEP

oh, it is love

to do:

-study abroad

-visit norway

-live in seattle,
survive by working as a barista,
go to school to get my teaching credentials.

dreams.

i wll follow you into the dark

death cab for cutie-
beautiful.

ra ra riot,
wonderful.
could have appreciated them more
if the crowd wasn't so dead
and the guys in front of me weren't so tall.

nevertheless,
i love people
for being nice enough
to give me a dollar.


ps.
i'm going to eat salad everyday

pps.
i am going to live in seattle one day.

come thou fount to every blessing (sufjan stevens)

"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

friend is a four letter word (cake)

nancy and i were just going to stay in and study tonight,

but i got one phone call at midnight

and things got crazy.

i'm just glad everyone is alright now.
(kind of)

look out young son

that recurring feeling is back

and i'm running further away
from everything that matters.

what do YOU hope for?

papercuts

rob ryan-
my new hero.

so unsatisfied (girl band)

"You hold a block of metal in your hand. And it's solid.
Yet within the metal there are molecules or atoms,
all moving by laws on their own.
Press a block of pure gold against a block of silver.
When you separate them they seem unchanged.
But a good physical chemist will show you
that where they have been in contact
invisible flecks of gold have wandered
across the barrier of structure
and buried themselves in the silver.
And atoms of silver,
somehow in the structure of the gold.

I think that when people are pressed close
they act the same way.
Part of you enters them, part of them enters you.
Long after you forget the names and the faces,
they are still a part of you.
Sometimes it's frightening to think
that every person you have ever hated,or feared,
or ran away from is part of you.
But so is every person you have ever learned from,
every friend you ever had."

--Theodore H. White

i miss tripping.

loaf meat hinder

plamodel do-it-yourself 35mm camera

by superheadz/powershovel ltd.

diggity dawg.

can't/won't?

This relationship is flat lining.
i'm not making any effort anymore
(was i ever?)

it's finally starting to hit me
that things really don't just get handed to you in life.
shit,
have i been really that spoiled all this time?

i'm so unsure of what to do over the summer
that's what happens when i try to plan things.
it's probably not going to end up the way i think it will.
God works in interesting ways.

i only blog when i don't want to do work.

photo update:
floatopia
i miss my bnfl.idk,my bffsylvea.nancypants + snakes + state streetabandoned houses, still had dirty dishes left in the sinks.
i wonder where these people went,
why they had to leave so abruptly.
what will take the place of these homes?

i miss home.
so much.
i don't know why
and i don't think the people around me
really realize how much i miss home.
i know i don't do anything when i go there,
and that there isn't a bed for me to sleep in,
i just want to be near my family.
i don't miss high school at all,
but i want to be back with my mom dad and brother.
just the four of us.
sitting at the dinner table together,
my brother and i wanting to eat as fast as we can so we can go upstairs,
my dad trying to get us to talk to him,
but only in korean.
my mom making us all hot and fresh food,
while she microwaves last night's leftovers to keep the fridge clean.

this isn't helping.

problem

i'm trying to think of the right words to express myself properly.

i've already written two drafts
but i didn't feel like the words were adequate.

so, instead of just explaining myself,
i will just simply state my problem:

i forgot about love.

Divine Romance

"The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF0p4I9a1nw

garbage

crashing waves
hand shaped bruises
sand filled swimsuits
free floats
free drinks
people people everywhere
warm sun
cold wind
lost towels
new towels

floatopia.

a very good weekend.

you could write a book

hm.
i don't have much to say at the moment.
life update?
spring quarter's started,
and i really like my classes.
i have one class on mondays and wednesdays at eleven (dinosaurs)
one class on fridays at nine (music discussion)
and three on tuesday and thursday spanning from eleven to seven.
(music appreciation, biopsych, and writing2)
a pretty decent schedule, i'd say.
i'm thinking of signing up for yoga on fridays at noon, too.
this schedule is perfect for a job.
i've applied to borders, blenders in the grass, and i.v. bookstore so far.
we'll see.
i started running again;
well it's only been twice,
but i think that'll be consistent..
unlike my walk with God..
i've been way behind on that
way way way behind.
it's definitely affecting my life.
bleh,
it makes me feel like a weak person.

i never really talked about my birthday.
it was whatever.
i liked getting dinner with my mom and cousin jayme though,
it was nice and quiet for a change.
i've been missing my mom more and more lately,
all those times i've taken her granted.
she may not be the most perfect person,
but surely one of the wisest i know.
i felt horrible when she found out about my piercing.
she called herself a bad mother..
and that she didn't do her job right.
thank God i didn't get a tattoo.
that would really have killed her..

well.
no class tomorrow.
woot!
i'm going to pray for sun,
so i can go to the beach finally,
and just lay there and soak up the cancer.

pubic

random memory:
when i was younger,
around 6th grade
i had this book that told me about my body and such and such
and they talked about how we'd grow hair on our body.
i guess i read that section incorrectly,
because for the longest time
i thought it was called public hair.
and it really confused me
why would something you'd want to be kept hidden called public??


spring break was fun.
new york is cool.
i want to go back
cupcake cafe has the best frosting.
the empire state building
OH HAI TYLOR!
chibi. so soft, but such a horrible case of halitosis
"let's hit up magnolia's and mack on some cupcakes"
oh marc, you're wonderful
a raindrop fell into my eye
we saw mary poppins!cousin jenny.
thanks to her new york was great.
times square.
this steak was 45$.

i ate so so so much in NY.



the weather is getting warmer
people are shedding their layers of clothes.
it's time to get fit for a swimsuit.

sighface

couldn't leave today.

went to the airport at 6,
found out my first flight was overbooked,
waited for the next one.
that was overbooked too.
so was the 1030 one
and the one after that
and the one after that.
the man at customer service just told me to go home.

so i went home.
and slept.

we'll try again tomorrow.

like knives

I'M GOING TO NEW YORK TOMORROW!



BYE!

i just want you to know

Santa Barbara,
i'm leaving you for a while
to go back home and see my family
then fly across the country
to enjoy the hustle and bustle of New York.
but when i come back
i expect the sun to be shining
and the sky to be blue.
the days will be beautiful,
spend lazily by the pool,
catching up on reading and tanning.
the beach will be filled with beautiful people
riding the waves
and just soaking in the wonderfulness.
i'll buy some baby oil
so i won't have to worry about the troublesome
tar i'll build up on the soles of my feet
from walking through the warm sands.
the swimsuit i bought today will be here,
patiently waiting to be worn,
to also enjoy the sand and the sea
or the concrete and chlorine,
whatever.
santa barbara,
i'll be gone for a while.
don't be too exciting while i'm away.
Love,
Me.

i was born (a unicorn)

i was thinking about making a birthday list.
in fact, i actually did make one.
it looked pretty cool
i drew pictures and everything.
and then i realized
there was no point to it.
all it would do is raise my expectancy for presents.
i didn't even think about birthday presents until recently.
i don't want to expect people to get me anything at all.
a good day will just be a sunny, carefree day.
thank goodness finals will be over.

but until then,
i will be studying.
today iwas in the library from 2-10pm.
hooray!
it was pretty horrible, but extremely productive.
the worst thing about it though,
was not having anyone to talk to.
all i wanted to do was utter a couple of useless words to someone,
anyone.
but there was no one i knew that was on the fourth floor of the davidson library.
in the midst of all those people.

i thought of a poem:
the stench of weed and homelessness
invades my nose
as i walk up the steps
into the florescent darkness of the twentyfour-x.
i scan the area,
the fuzzy blue chairs
the familiar space.
..........
finally,
i see those lights.
the tower of tiny squares of light
............

eh.

sleep on needles

so lately,
i've been having dreams about waking up,
getting out of bed,
and just doing random everyday things.

i hate it
i really can't stand it,
because now
when i do get up
i'm not even sure if i'm actually awake.
i half expect to wake up again.

and this time,
i did try to get up once,
but i couldn't.
i had total sleep paralysis
which i have never had before.

sleeping just makes me tired now.

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=WMHKHSRS

this is just a reminder for me later,

for when i get my laptop back.

ideekay maibffjill

[15:38] Sylvea Wong: dude
[15:38] Sylvea Wong: all i ever do is listen to quiet music
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: ALL THE TIME
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: can you
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: put a lot
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: oh and also. sufjan stevens!
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: in the hlasyh frhj
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: on the flsdhdrive?
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: haha
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: yes!
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: you crazy
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: its caeuse
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: one hand
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: i'm typing w one ha
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: is blowing the hair?
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: yes!]\
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: and so your typing with one hand
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: hahahahahah
[15:39] Sylvea Wong: i know you so well
[15:39] MYNAMEISFURR: yes!
[15:40] Sylvea Wong: remember when we used to talk with our mouths closed?
[15:40] Sylvea Wong: hahahaha
[15:40] MYNAMEISFURR: yea2!w'
[15:40] Sylvea Wong: now we can talk without typing

blogspot

a lot of foreign people have them.

i wish i could understand all of the blogs i see

IT'S RAINING!

how did i know?

i think there are drunk kids out in my hall.

but finally,

the weather does not lie.

it was supposed to rain monday and tuesday,

but all we got were sunny skies.

ugh.

(sarcasm, by the way)

anyway.

i want to learn Norwegian.

or just go to norway, at least.

it seems like a beautiful place.

well,

i don't know that.

i loved rohl dahl, and sondre lerche.

that is all i am basing norway on right now.


julian perretta is the new LOML.

he's beautiful,
and i love his music.
and his hair,
and his lip ring.
swoon.


this is too much, it's everywhere,
it's late.

i'm going to fall asleep in greek myth tomorrow, i know it.
but i don't want to.
i'll try not to.


this was an amazing day
a very very long time ago
in a beautiful place.

always love

hate will get you every time.

i watched it last night with ryan and his roommates
at IV theatre for 2 bucks.
i liked it.
i chuckled a lot

biking home was amazing/creepy/wtf
as we walked out of the theatre,
we commented on how strangely warm it was-
it felt like summer again,
but it was windy.
so i start biking, just minding my own business
when out of nowhere
there was this amazing flash of lightning
the whole sky just turned white
and the thunder sounded like a cannonball.
all the streetlights and the lights in the building flicker off and on,
and as i continued biking, the lights just continued flickering,
the warm breeze silently blowing through my hair.

it was really crazy and amazing.
as i biked along camino corto i just prayed to God
that He'd let the lightning come again,
considering camino corto is the perfect place to see anything in the sky,
since the land is so flat.

there were no more after that one time.
sadface.

healthy

does not mean delicious.



original special k, soymilk, craisins

so gross.



i think i'm lactose intolerant,

as most asians are.



so i'm trying to like soymilk

it's not working.



i'm just going to stick with special k red berries and lowfat milk.

time to buy milk.




i finally got my first 35mm roll developed



and i made a panoramic picture:

thank God for costco.

something's different

finally got to reading the bible again

finished 2 peter

and i'm getting a really strong sense of conviction,

which is extremely appropriate in my current situation.

hopefully this is the slap in the face i need

to get my head straight.

money in his hand

i am not building my foundation on rock.

it's being built on my own personal and selfish desires

materialistic and vain.

eff

your brother is my only hope

i have so much reading.

well,

i wouldn't if i had done it all on time.

ps.

i'm pretty much over high school.

i enjoy thinking about the pleasant memories of back then,

but please don't take it the wrong way

when i say i don't really miss you.

wait.

there's not really many ways to take it.

i don't miss you.

shrugface

there's room for you

i need to simplify my life.

get rid of junk

stop buying useless things.

make your mind up

i prefer when people are a mystery.

there is a sort of attractiveness about not knowing anything about someone

but i always want to find out more about them.

and then they're not so interesting

because they're not as mysterious as they used to be.


it's a real problem.

eh eh (nothing else i can say)

i feel negligent.

my blog is ugly.
my room is messy
i haven't been doing my readings.
i haven't been reading my bible!

everything feels blah.

i blame this on my lack of effort on my walk with God.

i have a job interview tomorrow.
yikes.

caffeine

some of this is out of order.
my blogging is not very neat when it comes to adding a bunch of pictures.

all last week,
i kept having this weird feeling that this weekend would be a very very good one..
needless to say,
i had a great weekend.

nancy and i watched two films at the santa barbara international film festival
friday's sbiff film:
the necessities of life
a french-canadian film.
i give it a 5.
beautiful and bittersweet.

that night i went to a show at the BIKO house with my friend ryan..
we saw this band called FootFoot
it's this girl and her husband..
sounds indie folk-ish.
it was pretty good.


did some decorating with amy...

had some amazing sushi with nancy
(the arigato and the blue-man--MANGO!)


saturday's film:
treeless mountain-
a korean film.
the direction was similar to that of sofia coppola;
beautiful, little dialogue, inconclusive.


walked to the butterfly preservesb beaches suck 'cause there is tar everywhere.
yuck yuck yuck.trillions of monarch butterfliesthen i got pooed on
sadface for days.

on saturday an extremely nice person gave me a pass for four free movies.
so on sunday ryan and i went to watch two movies
the man who loved yngve-
a norweigen film about some teenage rockers.
pretty good.
i'd give it a 4a british film about two women in a psychiatric hospital.
very, very tragic, but had some humor.


after we got out of the first movie,
a nice man handed us another free pass!
so we decided to go and watch the closing film-
lightbulb
an american film about an inventor.there's the red carpet!
unfortch, we didn't see any famous people.

then to end off a perfect weekend,
we stumbled upon this amazing guitarist in a parking garage.




ps.

last week (or last last week, i can't remember)
someone microwaved cup noodles
without water.
stupid.
some time earlier someone set a popcorn bag on fire by microwaving for too long.
so i wrote a note.
lol.

best weekend ever-

blog later.

deck the halls

M: and on monday!
M: he smiled at me

couple days later..

M: even his name is cute
i: ****?
M: his last name is cute
i: what is it?
M: h********
i: oh my wow.

i have a crush
and i'm NOT stalking him.

i just know his name
and i looked him up on fb.

sighface. this is not good.

feels like highschool
back in the day when we had hallway crushes.

enough.
this is an embarrassing post.

this scene is dead

have you ever wondered why people spend so much money on their dead loved ones?

going through the process of embalming, hiring someone to paint the corpse to look like they're sleeping- like they're still alive.

and what's the point in giving them a nice, comfortable, satin-trimmed, cotton-filled casket, decorated with elaborate designs and made to last an eternity?

do dead people need to be comfortable?

i think a lot of us believe that once we die, our body and soul separate, and our soul moves on to heaven (or whatever place other people believe)

and you know, sooner or later, there won't be any more room for all these caskets.

the one thing i remember about my grandfather's funeral is that i hated to look at him in his open casket.
not because of the fact that he had passed away,
just that he looked so..fake.
i remember people saying "oh the mortician did such a good job, he looks so much younger and healthier!"
i thought it was gross.
when i think of my grandfather, i don't want the first image in my mind to be him looking cold and clammy in his casket.
i want to remember him in his big green armchair, his glittering eye, rosy cheeks and big red nose.

what got me thinking about all this is in my religious approaches to death class, we read an article about the burial rituals of Americans and its origins.

never thought about that, huh?

the process of embalming isn't even Christian, it actually originates from the pagan Egyptian traditions (like mummies), and was highly looked down upon by early Christian leaders.

and caskets? they used to all be made out of plain pinewood, until some guys thought it would be a good idea to make money by selling pretty caskets.

i guess it makes sense that people have open casket funerals because of our curiosity for the dead,
but i just don't think i would be able to stand the sight of the corpse of someone i love.

Lately i've been telling this to people,
and i'll say it again:
when i die,
i want to be cremated.
my fourth grade teacher told me about how she wanted to be cremated because it's cheaper,
and i like being thrifty.
no casket, no plot of land, no embalming, etc.
less dead body pollution.

i would like my ashes to be thrown into the ocean. in Santa Barbara and in Korea.
it's not that gross. there are so many grosser things in the ocean.

my family can buy an urn and put flowers in it.
brighten up the house.

i just want you to know

so,
the housing process is very drama-filled, strangely.
for example-
i have a friend,
who recently placed a lease on a GREAT place,
with people he gets along with really well.
there are a bunch of them,
and they are all friends.
unfortunately,
there is one person they don't like so much,
but to be nice,
they let this guy sign the lease with them.
no one really wants to live with him.
he is a messy bessy.
the guys don't know what to do about this.
it'll be an awkward living arrangement if this guy lives with them next year,
but it's kind of mean to just kick him out, ya know?

my friend doesn't really like conflict,
so he is agreeing to be the guys roommate
for next year.
it's not that big of a deal to him.

let's see what happens.

'nuff said.





actually, i have more to say:

i love sticking my fingers in anenomes,ferris wheels are a lot more entertaining than i thought,i love and miss these people,

i loved that i could go to the beach in mid- january,
(but i'm glad it finally started raining)

and i hope that my next batch of photos come out better.

one more thing:
today i woke up five minutes after my lecture started.
it took my fifteen minutes to rush to the lecture hall,
and as soon as i get there,
there's no one in the room.
i look at the board,
and it says LING20 CANCELLED.

i'm thinking two things:
"UGH I'M SO TIRED AND SWEATY"
and
"THANK YOU JESUS, THEY TAKE ROLL IN THAT CLASS."

all's well that ends well.