this feeling

this feeling in my heart that seems to penetrate my soul
whenever i'm next to you..
i don't know how to interpret is.

when i'm looking into your eyes
it feels like heartbreak
it takes hold of it and squeezes all life out of it.

i have to hold my breath and turn my face away from you
while my heart drops down into my gut.
i bury my face into my pillow as i try to hold back the tears
that choke me.

but i don't understand,
this isn't how i feel.