let's rewind, back two years ago

when we were drunk on the 6800block,

just walking around. It doesn't matter where we were going.

Do you remember our conversation?

I do. I was complaining loudly about how nobody loved me,

and that nobody ever would.

Jump back a little, back home in Union City,

where we were getting pho together.

Umma sighing, contemplating the day where it wouldn't be just the three of us,

but two more people eating lunch with us.

She asked, jokingly, if you thought i would ever find someone to love me.

You replied no.

We laughed, but secretly i believed it.

Jump back to a couple months ago, then look at where i am now.

Me, the girl who never thought she was capable of letting anyone in,

let alone finding someone that would even like her enough,

is struggling to keep someone who is being eaten up with jealousy.

When did i become this girl? When did i become capable of driving someone this crazy?

Since when did my behavior towards my friends, my guy friends, become flirtatious?

How long has it been since i've been recognized as a feminine creature towards the opposite sex?

I can't answer these questions. It's still hard for me to even believe these truths,

but here we are. Once again, trying to work things out.

Heartbreak, heartache. I just want us to be happy.

I just want you to trust me,

have faith in me. And know that i wouldn't ever try to let you down.

Who do you think i am?

How could you compare me to those girls from your past?

I wish we could just have a chance to sit down and talk for hours.

Let me tell you about how I've been raised, with my oppas warning me about the evils of man,

never to trust them, that they're only out for one thing.

And i've lived by those teachings, no matter how much i tried to shrug them off.

But for once this is such a different issue,

this time i'm untrustworthy?

This is so exhausting,

but i'm going to keep fighting.

I'm probably an idiot. For so many reasons.