i know we don't talk much

partly because i don't know how to express myself very well verbally

textually, i'm not so great either.

But hopefully you read this

so you do know.

When all of the madness began i cried out to God a lot

asked him why He chose you.

Why this child had to go through all this pain.

I still remember those days so vividly.

I asked Him why it couldn't have been me.

You were too young.

I didn't think you were strong enough for this.

I wanted to take away the pain from you,

you didn't do anything to deserve this.

We went through some tough times as a family.

But you know what?

I see how much you've grown.

You're strong, healthy, responsible.

This is a part of who you are now,

and you've accepted it and you're making the best of it.

The fact that you've overcome trials

makes me so proud of you.

I know i don't know the full extent of what it must be like--

or how you feel inside.

This is probably a bit cowardly of me,

trying to communicate through a blog.

It's stupid, i know.

But this is the only way i know how to really talk to you, I suppose.

You've grown a lot.

You're not that helpless little boy anymore.

You hold your own, you've got your own opinions and beliefs that you carry,

not wavered by what others say.

I've always prayed that you'd be smarter and more successful than me.

And from what interactions we have had,

you really are.

(You better not get too cocky about this)

But i'm proud of you. So ridiculously proud.

I only want the best for you.

I want you to be the best you can be.

My only concern is that you still think highly of me as well.

It doesn't even have to be a fraction of the way i feel.

I probably don't have much to show,

but i want you to be alright with me.

I don't know where i'm going with this.

I've been awake all night.

You're going to read this and think I'm lame

But i just want you to know

you're always in my thoughts.