The Rocket Summer

During my freshman year of high school,

i found out about Bryce Avary's band through my friend Gail,

who i met in P.E.

I remember her giving me a mix cd in the locker room one day.

To this day, a bunch of the artists on that cd are still some of my favorites,

but the Rocket Summer really stuck to me.

It amazes me, being able to listen to the albums

"Calendar Days" and "Hello, Good Friend" today,

six years after falling in love with them,

and still have them evoke the same emotions as they did back then.

His lyrics can either be super real and applicable to life,

or just be so cutesy-cheesy-full of so much love that for a second i forget about being a cynic and just allow myself to dream about having a love like the ones described in his songs.

Even though my life has changed, as well as my perspectives on life,

The Rocket Summer is still one of my favorite bands..

one of those bands that i love to listen to while driving long distances,

on full volume, singing along loudly and badly.

no house, no home

Currently, I am homeless.

Well i have a place to stay,

i just don't have a bed or

anywhere i feel like is my own little space.

Even back in the Bay, at my "home" home

i don't even have my own place.

It really is quite a strange feeling.

I'm currently surrounded by people i love,

who love me back,

but at the same time, i can't help feeling really lonely.

There are a lot of weird feelings going on inside of me,

and i don't know if i can express them

because i feel like they're really petty and

i don't really have a place to be whining about stupid shit

like the way i feel about the smallest things.

I kind of just want to go home,

back to the Bay

where i can avoid this unnecessary awkwardness

that i can't express because it doesn't really exist

(if that makes any sense at all, which i'm sure it doesn't)

Looking back, i haven't really changed.

Is this selfish of me?

to believe that i am giving more than i am receiving?

Is it selfish of me to feel unappreciated?

Or maybe i'm just not allowing myself to see that i am,

because i just want to wallow in my own self pity.

What. the.

I make no sense, to anyone, to myself.

Am i self-centered?

we probably all are, a little bit.

isn't this what a blog is for?

so we can just talk about ourselves as much as we want

and not have to worry about listening to anyone else's rants.

Stop. This. Nonsense.

follies

because of some stupid decisions i made,

i received a failing grade on my first Shakespeare paper.

Fortunately for me, my professor showed some mercy

and gave me a chance to re-write the paper.

He's going to average out the failing grade with the grade of the re-write,

and this rewrite is to be

turned in at the same time as the second paper,

which happens to be in 5 hours.

Two papers due in one day.

Now, being the procrastinator that i am,

before this occurrence, i have never once finished a paper

more than a couple hours before it's due.

This has been quite a feat for me.

I finished the first paper at midnight,

and got started on the second one at 2am.

Finished it at approximately 630.

I have to submit one paper to the course website,

and the re-write directly to my professor, but

I haven't decided which paper to turn into where..

This is a tough decision.

I spent a lot of time on the first paper i wrote,

but i feel like the second one is better because

in my opinion i work best under intense time limits.

So now i'm just waiting for Nancy to wake up so she can proofread them and

tell me which one is better.

Moral of the Story:

I'm an idiot.

when you're not around

i want you to be here.

When you are here,

i don't really mind.

We joke, we're merry,

we share some great times.

What is this?

Does it mean anything at all?

i have a new friend

i've been friends with him for about two weeks now,

and we get along well and he seems to be legitimately interested in what i say.

But you know what the funny thing about our friendship is?

We go to the same school, but I have yet to meet him in person.

It's pretty weird, I know,

and I think we're going to be meeting for the first time tomorrow.

I'm excited and nervous at the same time.