deck the halls

M: and on monday!
M: he smiled at me

couple days later..

M: even his name is cute
i: ****?
M: his last name is cute
i: what is it?
M: h********
i: oh my wow.

i have a crush
and i'm NOT stalking him.

i just know his name
and i looked him up on fb.

sighface. this is not good.

feels like highschool
back in the day when we had hallway crushes.

enough.
this is an embarrassing post.

this scene is dead

have you ever wondered why people spend so much money on their dead loved ones?

going through the process of embalming, hiring someone to paint the corpse to look like they're sleeping- like they're still alive.

and what's the point in giving them a nice, comfortable, satin-trimmed, cotton-filled casket, decorated with elaborate designs and made to last an eternity?

do dead people need to be comfortable?

i think a lot of us believe that once we die, our body and soul separate, and our soul moves on to heaven (or whatever place other people believe)

and you know, sooner or later, there won't be any more room for all these caskets.

the one thing i remember about my grandfather's funeral is that i hated to look at him in his open casket.
not because of the fact that he had passed away,
just that he looked so..fake.
i remember people saying "oh the mortician did such a good job, he looks so much younger and healthier!"
i thought it was gross.
when i think of my grandfather, i don't want the first image in my mind to be him looking cold and clammy in his casket.
i want to remember him in his big green armchair, his glittering eye, rosy cheeks and big red nose.

what got me thinking about all this is in my religious approaches to death class, we read an article about the burial rituals of Americans and its origins.

never thought about that, huh?

the process of embalming isn't even Christian, it actually originates from the pagan Egyptian traditions (like mummies), and was highly looked down upon by early Christian leaders.

and caskets? they used to all be made out of plain pinewood, until some guys thought it would be a good idea to make money by selling pretty caskets.

i guess it makes sense that people have open casket funerals because of our curiosity for the dead,
but i just don't think i would be able to stand the sight of the corpse of someone i love.

Lately i've been telling this to people,
and i'll say it again:
when i die,
i want to be cremated.
my fourth grade teacher told me about how she wanted to be cremated because it's cheaper,
and i like being thrifty.
no casket, no plot of land, no embalming, etc.
less dead body pollution.

i would like my ashes to be thrown into the ocean. in Santa Barbara and in Korea.
it's not that gross. there are so many grosser things in the ocean.

my family can buy an urn and put flowers in it.
brighten up the house.

i just want you to know

so,
the housing process is very drama-filled, strangely.
for example-
i have a friend,
who recently placed a lease on a GREAT place,
with people he gets along with really well.
there are a bunch of them,
and they are all friends.
unfortunately,
there is one person they don't like so much,
but to be nice,
they let this guy sign the lease with them.
no one really wants to live with him.
he is a messy bessy.
the guys don't know what to do about this.
it'll be an awkward living arrangement if this guy lives with them next year,
but it's kind of mean to just kick him out, ya know?

my friend doesn't really like conflict,
so he is agreeing to be the guys roommate
for next year.
it's not that big of a deal to him.

let's see what happens.

'nuff said.





actually, i have more to say:

i love sticking my fingers in anenomes,ferris wheels are a lot more entertaining than i thought,i love and miss these people,

i loved that i could go to the beach in mid- january,
(but i'm glad it finally started raining)

and i hope that my next batch of photos come out better.

one more thing:
today i woke up five minutes after my lecture started.
it took my fifteen minutes to rush to the lecture hall,
and as soon as i get there,
there's no one in the room.
i look at the board,
and it says LING20 CANCELLED.

i'm thinking two things:
"UGH I'M SO TIRED AND SWEATY"
and
"THANK YOU JESUS, THEY TAKE ROLL IN THAT CLASS."

all's well that ends well.

that's so you

the past few days have been eventful,
but i haven't been taking many pictures..
friday:
went to the beach.
watched this movie-i didn't really like it.
i wish i went to common ground instead..
had fun going out with my floor that night though.
that night i had a horrible dream involving vampires,
a unicorn, and the new life yg girls.

saturday:
got brunch at carrillo with nancypants,
state st. all day
ate dinner at this great place called Pascucci's
for fun, nancy ordered a beer and guess what?
they didn't card her!then she told the waiter that it was my birthday,
so we got free tiramisu- the best i've ever had.

today:
carrillo again,
state street again,
only 'cause i accidently left a shopping bag at volcom on saturday..
luckily, the guys at the store remembered me!
so they held it for me.
nancy went to find jobs,
and i deposited some film to get developed.
got some baguettes, went home
went to church,
listened to a sermon about abortion
which, by the way, i am very pro-life.

did you know,
it is legal in all states to get an abortion from any stage of the pregnancy,
even at nine months,
but if a pregnant woman is murdered,
then it counts as a double homocide!
wtf?!
as if a mother has the authority to decide whether her child should live or not-
it doesn't make sense..

did you know,
our about-to-be president Obama
is extremely pro-choice,
meaning millions of unborn babies will die in the coming years.
it's no use trying to change his mind or laws,
but what we can do, is so soften the hearts of these pregnant women,
showing them that what they want to rid of,
is not just fetal tissue,
but ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS.
have you seen pictures of weeks old fetuses?
they have hands, feet, fingers, and toes!
let's let these babies live!

my year in lists

it's funny
i thought i'd feel alright about it
it's not about being vulnerable,
rather,
about having the power to do so.

looking back,
i feel stupid.
it was stupid.

i'm adding something new to my new year's resolution list.

anyway.
i think i really am going to go into psychology.
psychology one is great.
the professor is amazing,
and the mind is amazing.
terrifying, too, i might add.

lately i've been getting these really disturbing thoughts,
is my perception really reality?
or is reality something that is bigger than my thoughts.
idk.
it sounds ridiculous and nonsensical.
it makes sense in my mind
wait, no.
it doesn't make sense.
but every once in a while i find myself lost.
i can't find my mind.
am i dreaming?
or have my thoughts just consumed me-
so much that i can't even differentiate between what i think is happening
and what is actually happpening.

this sounds like i'm on drugs.
i'm not.
i wish i could blame it on drugs.
idk idk idk.

L.O.V.E. (?)

this was good.

just dance

our first weekend back in SB

just dance.
it's gonna be okwalking back home is cold.
WHERE IS NANCY?
she is at home.fourth south <3it is mid-january.
yes, we are at the beach.
welcome back bbq!i can multi-task.
i can has turkeyburger plz?

amy vong.
future roommate.
idk.
i just really liked this

i love sundays.
Chillin',
spending quality time with not only my friends,
but also with God.
speaking of,
i have to catch up on Bible reading!
stupid classes have me reading so much,
i'm having trouble trying to read everything
frustratedface.

regardless,
life is good.

ice monster

laptop's been reformatted.
too lazy to organize everything.

was able to get into greek myths!
but my section is 8am.
sighface.

linguistics is difficult
i need to find people to befriend,
so they can teach me.

1 corintians,
2 corinthians,
halfway through galations.
progress is good (i think)

SO MUCH READING TO DO.

"call your mom and tell her that you love her."
TOO BAD SHE WON'T ANSWER HER PHONE!

nonpareil of favor

laptop is broken,

too lazy to fix it.

i kind of like not having a computer,

slash not.

i've been reading a lot, which is nice.

i like my classes

religious approaches to death,

introduction to psychology,

language and linguistics,

greek mythology,

and this weird music seminar.

my new year's resolutions

1. read the entire bible 

2. lose my belly, so i can fit into these ugly ski pants

3. nosmo king

4. get a job

6. do the little things.

listen to this song,

nonpareil of favor

by of montreal.

it's very good.

together we'll ring in the new year

two thousand nine.

I'm ready,
and so anxious to see
what God has in plan for me this year.

I read the letter I wrote last year to my future self,
and looking back at my senior year fears,
hopes, and stupid little stresses,
I feel like I've made a lot of progress in my life.

Every year, on New Year's Eve,
we go to church, have a New Year's service,
and when it's all done,
there are baskets up at the front of the sanctuary with bookmarks in them
with a different Bible verse written on each one.
We choose these verses randomly,
and they are supposed to be the verses for the New Year,
the verse that we are to remember, and try to live by.

Last year, my bookmark read a passage from Proverbs 16,

1 To man belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.

2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him,
but motives are weighed by the LORD.

3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,
and your plans will succeed.

Looking back at 2008,
I realize this passage did play a large role in my life.
Listening to sermons about how our plans are rarely the same that God has in store for us,
and my whole philosophy in life was just to let things be the way they are supposed to be.
I decided to not to choose a dream college, or a major at that,
and just let God lead the way.
and now, I'm attending a school I love.
I haven't yet declared my major,
but psychology has been tugging at my sleeve..

This year,
Romans 12:1

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

The Sunday before winter retreat, I said out loud that I wanted God to convict me.
Sure enough, the whole theme of this year's retreat was about conviction-
living life the way we should- as a disciple of Christ.

As involved as I was with Intervarsity,
i still let myself indulge in some of the vices of college life.
I felt that the things that i did was somewhat acceptable,
that "it's college, i have to try everything once.."
Now i realize it's better to have just stayed away.

I'm excited to go back to Santa Barbara,
with this fresh mindset.
I'm going to try to live as a disciple of Christ,
and not be tempted by the world.

For once,
i'm looking forward to a battle.