i didn’t even know it was possible to wake up from a dream crying.

well, i guess if it’s happened with laughing in my sleep, the opposite could occur.

highlights:

• me being sick in Sweden & having to call the cops/ambulance
• the cop car getting hijacked by a robber(?)
• people right next to me getting shot
• me almost getting shot
• people trying to help us
• my having the opportunity to shot the bad guy
• not being able to shoot the bad guy because i can’t kill anyone
• so i shoot at the air instead to prevent anyone else getting hurt
• last bullet ending up in bad guy’s neck because someone grabs the gun from me
• finally being reunited with my family
• trying to cope with the aftermath of what just happened
• family dinner/funeral
• Aunt who passed away last December makes a cameo (she never died in my dream, but every time i dream about her it evokes a lot of emotion)
• dad and cousin fighting over nothing
• dishes breaking
• trying to keep my cool
• emotional breakdown
• mom rubbing my back telling me that it’s okay to cry in situations like this

then i actually wake up sobbing.

this might be in connection with me Skyping with my mom slightly buzzed at 5am last night/morning. i guess i really miss her more than my conscious self realizes..

and damn, my dreams are way too vivid.

S

sometimes i feel a little guilty. the weather is brisk and the sky is blue. I walk past all of the vibrant colors of fall, the ancient red brick buildings covered in vine, all the beautiful people in their scarves and pea coats on the cobblestone roads. Autumn is perfect here.

I feel as if i’m living your high school dream, and i wish you were here. But maybe all of this was meant to be. It’s not exactly what we had in mind, but does it feel as ‘right’ to you as it does for me? I hope so. I hope that in ten years we’ll all be sitting together and looking back at these experiences scattered around the world. The future seems glorious. It’s glorious now.