deadweek

this term has more meanings than i wish it did.

My aunt passed away yesterday morning,

her funeral is on Sunday.

I have to help write a eulogy;

how do you write a eulogy?

How do you express the love and gratitude

you feel for someone

when it all feels so inexpressible?

She had no kids,

we, her nieces and nephews, were her kids.

She took us to the movies, let us sleep over her house,

then would treat us to breakfast.

I would love going to her house;

she always lived in the coolest places.

Even though she lived alone, her house was huge and beautiful.

I regret not being able to visit her more often when she moved to San Ramon.

Then she got sick.

This whole period is kind of a blur.

My parents never really informed me about much;

just that she had cancer, and it was really bad.

I wish... I wish for a lot of things.

I wish she got better.

She expressed to my cousin Jenny and I her wished to go to Korea this winter.

No matter how weak she was, she wanted us to be her support as she revisited her home.

I think by that point, she had accepted her limited time left on earth.

I wish we could have done that for her.

I'm glad I at least got to see her one more time

last Sunday.

Her face lit up when she saw my brother and me.

She was so happy, but I saw that she wasn't doing well.

I told her she looked good,

that her hair was growing back well.

How I was jealous her eyebrows were so naturally shaped.

I promised her that I would come back and visit her again

as soon as I came home for winter break.

I'm sorry it turned out like this.

I'm sorry you're gone,

and I really hope you're in a much better place now.