i'm surrounded by people i came to love
two and a half years ago.
living back in this little town
called isla vista.
a town beautiful within its grime and imperfection..
but why do i still feel alone
why do you affect me so much
you shouldn't be able to consume my thoughts this much.
is this all apart of that chase we are so addicted to?
whatever it is,
i want it to stop.
i just want to be content.

don't get me wrong,

i'm ecstatic that i'm back in this place i love so much,
but i'm feeling a bit gloomy.
Not quite sure why.

My thoughts keep wandering back to Friday night,
when my mind continued to scream at me
"What is this?

I still don't know.
and knowing me
i probably will never know.